Maybe it’s because it’s summer and everyone’s out and about doing stuff. Maybe it’s because the fat panic hysteria has died down somewhat (i still see a fair bit of it, but either i’m just more used to it or it’s not as prevalent as it used to be). Maybe it’s just that it’s not uncommon for people on the internet to have the attention span of a gnat. Maybe it’s because we’ve all got lives outside of the internet, that we are multi-faceted people.
Maybe it’s that this whole fat thing is only a small part of who we are, that in the long run, there’s so much more to everyone out there than what is immediately visible - regardless of size.
Maybe it’s that we’re all a bit burned out from the same discussions over and over, without feeling much in the way of progress. Maybe some of us are tired of trying to come up with new answers to the same old abuses and excuses. (And maybe there are people out there reading this and thinking, “welcome to where we were a year ago.”)
Maybe it’s that we’ve all either found our niches and are staying within those areas. Maybe some of us felt isolated in the crowd and moved on to other areas altogether. Maybe some of us only feel welcome in certain groups, or some of us not welcome at all. Maybe some of us found what we were looking for, maybe some of us didn’t.
Maybe maybe maybe.
Whatever the case… things have been slow lately. The fatosphere isn’t nearly as busy as it used to be. Or maybe it’s just that i’m not seeing it - it’s happening somewhere where i’m not.
This may be external, but it also may be internal. I’ve seen signs of both.
I’ve noticed a definite pattern in my life: find a group (usually based on similar interests), hang out with a group, try to fit in with group, have some good times, meet some neat people. Time passes. After a while, some folks get aloof in my direction, others outright hostile. Sometimes i think i understand why, sometimes i don’t. I know i am an emotional person, but that sometimes i get misunderstood to be far more emotional than i actually am at that moment. I know i can be highly analytical, and that sometimes my explorations and questions are misunderstood to be statements - that my transitory thoughts are seen as more permanent Changes Of The Mind. But i also know that i can be flakey about responding to comments and e-mails, that i am more often than not the only person who laughs at my own jokes, and that i can be more than a little bitchy from time to time.
So i dunno. I’m partially confused, lonely for more reasons that can be attributed to a single blog, and partially frustrated. I’m not sure where to go from here. I find myself coming up with a slew of ideas of possible ways to redesign/reorganize the site, and when that happens it’s usually because it’s easier for me to come up with layout than it is to come up with content.
I’ve had so much trouble with the blog software on this subdomain that i really have considered scrapping the whole thing - and that is honestly and truly not being said as a form of fishing. It’s just a statement of fact. Thing is, i got to reading some of the archives, and there’s some good stuff there. So even if i stop posting, i’ll probably try to keep the better content around in some form or fashion. I don’t know if i want to stop posting, but i know that aside from the occasional stream of consciousness ramble, topics are becoming harder and harder to come up with.
So yeah. I’m not really sure where i was going with all that. I’m wondering, superstitious person that i am, if all of the broken-ness with this blog’s software (because i haven’t had similar problems on other blogs with the same software) were supposed to be a “sign” that it was time for me to move on to other pastures.
But as always, the question remains: “what now - or what next?”
July 22, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Fishing or not, I’m glad you didn’t delete the blog. I like your blogginess.
July 22, 2008 at 1:40 pm
I like your blog too, and I like reading your ramblings. I always come away with something to think about. I hope you leave the blog up, even if you don’t post often, or at all. I like revisiting posts that have made me think, just to remind myself that I don’t know it all and I need to consider other viewpoints.
July 22, 2008 at 2:44 pm
I like your blog a lot. Maybe it would work for you to branch out your writing so you don’t feel like you’re talking about the same things over and over? (I don’t think you do, but you might feel like it’s always the same subject.)
No matter what you do, I’m glad to have had an opportunity to read your blog.
July 23, 2008 at 2:02 am
You’re not alone in wondering what you’re doing or whether it does any good, but the fact that you have a lot of regular readers ought to tell you that *someone* is getting *something* out of what you write!
I, for one, have gotten kind of tired of the old routine of finding articles about fat on the web that made me mad and then reacting angrily to them on my blog, and then later fielding nasty comments on my posts from trolls. I don’t know the extent to which other fat bloggers share this feeling, so I don’t know if it would explain the slowdown that you have perceived out there on the fatosphere. But I’ve decided I want to branch out a bit in order to keep things interesting — maybe that would work for you too.
July 23, 2008 at 2:31 am
I found myself at a similar blogging crossroads lately and decided it was time to reevaluate why it is I am blogging and what I hope to accomplish with my blog. I’m still finding my way, but at least I’ve got a better roadmap now.
I think when the Fatosphere found its legs, I was somewhat swept away by the very novelty of it. The idea of fat people standing up for themselves and declaring them to be human beings capable and deserving of loving and being loved blew my mind. But I soon found that I didn’t feel comfortable going along with the group-speak or in worshiping the blogging idols that soon emerged, nor am I comfortable with the idea that any one person or group has the awesome power to speak for the group as a whole. I’ve always felt at odds from The Group on various issues and I also tend to take more of a moderate “Let’s work with people and not against them” kind of approach for which I have been criticized by hardcore activists who usually end up speaking much, but accomplishing very little. For my own sanity, I try to avoid toxic people and communities — both of which I’ve found even amongst a community that calls itself one of acceptance.
So, I have no easy answers, either. But what I do now is that I’m continually getting new readers, readers who are just now having the catharsis that perhaps their weight isn’t a measure of their self-worth and who find that my blog and writings help them in this journey. I blog primarily for my own health and sanity, but it’s people like this who help remind me that I am not alone in the struggle.
BTW, I like the new redesign. It’s cute.
July 23, 2008 at 4:29 am
Wow, I think that everything you said was true, right and correct. So astute.
Only thing that bums me is you having lost your links page, because I was actually on it, and that made me feel special. I was jazzed about that. Plus it was a great reference page!!
But take care of yourself, and I certainly hope you never delete this place, even if you decide to stop updating. That would be a great loss, IMO.
July 23, 2008 at 6:25 am
Yeah, Lindsay, I’ve noticed the same thing. It also seems like when I find something I might WANT to talk about, somebody else already got to it, and I don’t want to be saying the exact same thing somebody else already said. Additional voices are always a good thing, but it seems silly to just be parroting what’s already been said.
I don’t really know what the solution is. Right now I’ve taken a “wait and see” attitude. It’s entirely possible this is just a temporary thing.
July 23, 2008 at 6:42 am
You know, I have found your blog to be one of my favourites. I’d be sad if it disappeared. But I get what you are saying. I have only been even lurking in the Fatosphere for a few months now and I see repeat topics all the time, like we don’t have enough diversity in our agenda. Like everything we say does … nothing. But that’s how it goes at first I suppose.
The thing I like least however is when every single person posts the same thing and their opinion of it. I love opinions, but when I see a movie or a clip be displayed 20 or more times in my feed, I start getting highly disinterested and stop reading the feed for awhile until the “fad” passes. I get that every person has something to say on the topic, but could we maybe just do so in comments of a few blogs?
July 23, 2008 at 8:41 am
How odd. I’m in the process of deciding whether or not to delete my blog - for a variety of reasons which I won’t clog up your comments with. I wonder if there’s something in the air.
FWIW, I’ve always liked your writing. I’m terrible about commenting or replying to comments so I know the bloggers I like aren’t always aware of my regard, but there ya go.
July 23, 2008 at 9:35 am
I like your blog too and hope you continue to write. We really do need each other and even though things can get repetative, we all have our own “voice” and view on things. I personally appreciate your voice and want to keep hearing it. I need to keep hearing it.
July 23, 2008 at 9:44 am
Lindsay,
I feel exactly the same way. Also about what you said with regards to joining new groups — when eventually you start feeling aloofness or even downright hostility. And I completely blame myself — I’m also flaky about emails and comments, and so forth.
I recently posted a hiatus notice on my blog, after not blogging for a solid month. And now, getting so involved in my research that I’m not even writing my novel anymore, I’m not quite sure if I’ll be back on anytime soon.
Thanks for this post…I’m glad to know it’s not just me.
July 24, 2008 at 1:26 pm
[...] calm before the storm? Posted on July 24, 2008 by nuckingfutz Tuesday, Lindsay wrote about the lack of oomph in the Fatosphere lately: Whatever the case… things have been slow lately. The fatosphere isn’t nearly as busy as [...]
July 26, 2008 at 2:17 am
Hi there
I like your blog and hope you keep it going because I like your ramblings! Maybe because they are similar to mine, when I take the time to blog.
What caught my eye on this post was your description of how you interact with new groups of people and how they percieve you. I have found myself in the same boat. I am an emotional person, in that I respond to how things make me feel when I am in conversations or relationships with others. That being said, I am not AS emotional as others often percieve me to be and find that others tend to take up this sort of “dance” with me. You know what I mean, the one where they start picking their words carefully, which my over analytical mind picks up on right away, and struggle to say something in a way that they think won’t push any emotional buttons I may have. Which totally makes things worse because I start to feel like I’m being treated with kid gloves and need a diaper or something. That is always the beginning of the end for me and that friendship. Call it flakiness, emotionalness (is that a word?), or being overly analytical, but it still distresses me when this happens. In total truth, things like that actually wound me and start the downward spiral I have with myself trying to find a reason, a word, a response, or just replaying the entire relationship in my head looking for something to explain how things got messed up. I usually end up blaming myself somehow (OMG! teh fatz!), but I am finally reaching a point in my life that I just say screw it (at 42!). I am who I am and if others can’t handle it, there’s not much I can do about that. I have my core relationships (hubby, siblings, kids, bf) that keep me grounded. Still….it would be great if people could just accept me for who I am. KWIM?
Thanks for listening…and helping me to know I am not the only one out there with this kind of issue. Keep on blogging!